Therefore I am

I’m right. You’re right. We may not see eye to eye. Heck we may completely disagree and have polar opposite views and/or ideas but that doesn’t deem either of us wrong. Oh and Franky – he has a set of beliefs that are incongruent with both of the ways we see this dilemma, discussion, idea, topic, belief, situation, perspective, choice, behavior, cause &/or effect, et al ad nauseam. But, you guessed it! Franky is correct in how he feels too!!

You think I’m koo koo for fruity pebbles don’t you? or probably blowing smoke or making nonsensical untrue attributions to the ability for 3 opposing viewpoints to all be true and/or right and/or correct/accurate/etc ad infinitum. Nope although it may sound too good (or bad depending on your reading of the partially filled glass concept) to be true, like a flight of fancy for everyone to accept any/everything so we can all just get along and bury our heads up our naysayers asses rather than hold to our feelsings, thoughts and beliefs. I’m not a fan of sand and definitely keeping my pride and passion for the things I give the time and thought to form an opinion about far from hiding or near wavering to appease one’s sensitivities or for any reason that may give confidence to your take over by heaving niceties and assurances and withering behind into yours or Franky’s shadow! My point of view is important to me – why would I waste my time and energy sharing it if it were not? Oh but trolls….

Those frumpy creatures of the information super highway that seem to have the sole purpose of infuriating the rest of us “civilized” folk just trying to collaborate and find consolment and camaraderie with like minded individuals. And even, if we’re open to our own fallibility and fortunate enough to find an actual human being with compassion and tact and avoid the bridge shadow-dwellers looking for wishful searchers of ideas and growth like ourselves, we can enter into real worthwhile discussion, debate and, dare I say possible collaboration with other sides of the think tank?!

Oh but Jess! how you digress… or have I merely put to the test some of my own ideas.
Maybe a bit of both.

But back to basics, you and I don’t see things even similarly so why do I still say you are right? I don’t agree with your perspective, I think you’re wrong but I know you are right. As am I. And Granky he’s bananas coming from left outfield when we are over here playing basketball on an indoor court! No, I do not agree with Franky either. He’s still right, however. And left field or center court his point of view, idea, thinking belief, et al blah blah blah is of just as much value and worth as mine and yours. Can you dig it? Can you see it? Do you care? And even if so, so what?

So what?
And lady what are we even talking about and how do you know we don’t agree?

Kudos. Heck you, me and Franky -whoever he is- might completely agree and be on the same page. Cool thing about that is even when we do and/or are that page is from a while different (even if oft similar and sometimes nearly identical) book and I don’t doubt our chapters wouldn’t sync up either.

In all reality sometimes I’m not even in the same book as the page I’m on and while I hoard my books and refuse to destroy a single paragraph so far they all read to the tune of The Neverending Story (I genuinely don’t know the first thing about the actual story/novel by that title so I’m using the title for the broad concept alone) of which will end this metaphor and leave it open to you w hat it means (or doesn’t mean) to you.

I love the internet, the world-wide web of ever growing information at my fingertips – literally a click away. And now it is with me everywhere, its portable and not having the capability to find the correct answer is almost stigmatized and so we are all geniuses with all the right answers right there in our pocket or purse or wishfully nowadays for me AT HOME while I try out life with uncertainty again!

Whimsical wonders while wandering . . . wish me luck!

<p class="has-drop-cap has-white-color has-text-color has-large-font-size" value="<amp-fit-text layout="fixed-height" min-font-size="6" max-font-size="72" height="80">𝘈ꞙ𝒕ꬲ𝒓𝓽𝒽ဝ𝞄ɡ𝐡𝙩𝒔 𝙛၀𝗿 𝓉h𝙤𝖘e ૦𝔣 𝜸𝖔υ 𝕤𝔱𝚒𝝞ᛁ 𝓌𝗂𝕥𝗁 mе:𝘈ꞙ𝒕ꬲ𝒓𝓽𝒽ဝ𝞄ɡ𝐡𝙩𝒔 𝙛၀𝗿 𝓉h𝙤𝖘e ૦𝔣 𝜸𝖔υ 𝕤𝔱𝚒𝝞ᛁ 𝓌𝗂𝕥𝗁 mе:

⚘ A rule I’ve made for myself that has helped me immensely in a lot of ways is that in order to take a stance on something, anything where I am in disagreement with someone else’s perspective I must be able to not only put myself in their shoes but see and appreciate what they see making sense and why one might be inclined to see it in that way. I have to be able to argue either side – or all points if it is more than two clashing ideas – in order for me to stand behind something I believe to be true. It is sort of like playing devil’s advocate with myself but to a bit more thorough of an extent than I do with other people. I drive my 14 year old bonkers sometimes when I do so in our conversations just to get us both thinking on our toes a bit and have to remind her that I am totally in agreeance with her but just helping us see all the sides!
⚘ I watched the movie The Map Of Perfect Tiny Things a few nights ago and was thoroughly impressed with the creator’s genius. I recommend it to all – it may seem a bit teenybopperesque at first or by the cover and cheesiness abounds but in a really good way – so don’t write it off as just some chick flick that you won’t relate to because it has a little something special for everyone to take away from it. Tell me what you think after you see it and I’d love to hear what else you could think to do in that scenario. Or taking that Groundhog Day idea how would you spin it? I thought this concept and all the little nuances within Tiny Things were very fresh and revitalized and I was taken aback with how enthralled and intrigued I was with this movie.
⚘ Something I’m teaching my daughters and making sure to remember myself as I interact with people throughout life when they are being shitty: how a person treats us isn’t a reflection of us and often has nothing to do with us but rather completely about themselves and something they’re dealing with in life. So try not to react in kind with offense or annoyance but instead confuse em with kindness.


honesty is easier

skeptical emoji by Conmongt @pixabay.comhttps://pixabay.com/illustrations/old-skeptical-glasses-asking-clear-2056477/
Say what you like: say I'm ill,
Say I broke my leg on the stairs,
Say we've had a fire
—T. S. Eliot

Think of the trouble of excuses and lies. They force us to make ourselves sick, live with a whole broken leg, start some sort of slow burn. When we tell someone we're not at home, we have to hide in that place. When we invent a long line of lies, we have to memorize each one. It's easiest just to come clean, use plain and simple words, and speak true. When accusers spear us with their stares, we can disarm them by looking them right in the eye.

Not only do lies deceive others, they keep us hidden from ourselves, and make our real reasons for the choices we've made seem unworthy, if we feel we can't express them. Better that we be truthful, even if a little pain results. Truth keeps communication lines open. Then, when someone really wants to know what's on our minds, we can simply open our hearts.

Is anything too terrible to tell to a friend?

From Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991

Thursday, February 20

Say what you like: say I’m ill,
Say I broke my leg on the stairs,
Say we’ve had a fire
—T. S. Eliot

Think of the trouble of excuses and lies. They force us to make ourselves sick, live with a whole broken leg, start some sort of slow burn. When we tell someone we’re not at home, we have to hide in that place. When we invent a long line of lies, we have to memorize each one. It’s easiest just to come clean, use plain and simple words, and speak true. When accusers spear us with their stares, we can disarm them by looking them right in the eye.

Not only do lies deceive others, they keep us hidden from ourselves, and make our real reasons for the choices we’ve made seem unworthy, if we feel we can’t express them. Better that we be truthful, even if a little pain results. Truth keeps communication lines open. Then, when someone really wants to know what’s on our minds, we can simply open our hearts.

Is anything too terrible to tell to a friend?

From Today’s Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991

0.seventeen – whimsically wandering

My mind is in a positive swirl of colors today.
It is a weird surreal unbalance to be in.
I don’t feel bad, at all, I feel really good but not correct.

Oh well, I enjoy colorful days on occasion, I think it is a way for my mind to breath outside the medications a little bit. I feel expanded.

I went to a meeting on Wednesday and it was amazing.
I was welcomed back with literal open arms and so much joy and fellowship at The Fellowship.
I love this meeting hall above any I’ve been to, it is like going home.
I didn’t get to NA as I planned this week, my sleeping interfered with waking back up at noon after getting home and to bed at 9 am.
But I will, soon, and I’m excited to.

AA 15.15.19
Meeting One:

Know God,
know peace.
No God, I want to know God again.
no peace. I can’t seem to find him, yet.

*Haven’t honestly given myself to this simple program until now. Was constantly dishonest – didn’t seem to have the capacity to be honest, honestly I wasn’t ready to quit for good and therefore not ready for help.*

Live         Easy        Butfor          Think…     ..First

andLet     Does      theGrace          Think         Things

Live           It            ofGod           …Think        First

I am responsible….
When anyone, anywhere
reaches out for help, I want
the hand of A.A. always to be there
and for that: I am responsible.

Make the doorknob your god [higher power].” (Click for an article that is a great read)

Stop and start our day over whenever we want to.

“People gonna be people and people gonna do things” – Gerald’s mama.
*Can’t control what people do/say – take what you need and put the rest on the back burner*

programmed self to do certain things in our addiction. AA programs you to change your life – IF you WANT to.

“I got to tell someone something good to change their life. Rather than how to jack, steal, junp, rob, etc. Something GOOD to CHANGE their life..”

Resentments: must forgive to be forgiven

“Enjoying Me.
finding peace in A.A., with God, in life, with self” – D

+No peace always chaos, all these things were happening to me – I did them to myself.
you can’t forget your past, but you don’t have to live it everyday.
wow – I did that: homelessness, brown paper sack, didn’t know how I was gonna pay my phone bill, jail… but A.A. brought me out+ – John

“Such a know it all, you couldn’t tell me shit. I know it all!
Surrender & powerlessness.
I could remove alcohol and drugs and I was still a turd; I have to work at being a good person.
Pride – know it all
but I really don’t know shit
Started reading for real this time and at page 8 hit a word I didn’t know – it was humbling
To find God (hardest part for me) had to have my mind open and heart open to form a relationship and get perspective on it.
Went to church because I was intrigued they had something I didn’t, they were happy, at least on Sundays, when they sang they sang. I tried to figure it out and as for the definition of faith and was told you can’t “figure it out” it is something you feel.” – Steve

The ability to adapt to different situations – learned through A.A.

[faith – believing in something unseen. Mind starts changing. -Gerald]

Before ignored “as we understood Him” just shut down “God.”
*I was in my feelings*

“Sticks and stones…” is what we were taught
Bullshit! Words don’t go away
Bruises and breaks heal Words make people
jump off bridges, drink,
etc.

I SHARED!!! I admitted my last 7 or 8 month relapsing and that this was my first time back in the rooms sober since.
I was told keep to keep coming back as is the A.A. way.
What matters is how I proceed to move forward my life forward.
Stop and start day over, as needed.
Gerald said he knew I’d fallen off but “We don’t shoot our wounded. These rooms is like a hospital – come here receive treatment” as to why he didn’t call me on it.

Lastly, you MAD but the person you mad about already went on about their business and forgot about you and whatever they did/said that you are letting mess up your day.

It was a good meeting.