life goes on…

and on
and on
and on

𝒶𝐧𝕕 𝒕𝕙𝜶𝙣𝕜 ց𝞸𝞸d𝗇℮𝑠𝕤 ꞙ𝒐ᴦ 𝑡𝚑a𝐭

I give up on myself way too soon more often than I’m proud to say but as I do pride myself on honesty I am admittedly lackadaisical by nature and will usually choose the path of least resistance (and effort). The toughest trials in my life, however, have made me a better person and if I’d had my way I wouldn’t have had to go through them or would have checked out long ago amidst my struggles and today I LOVE ME! and I’m proud of me! and I can depend on me! and I wouldn’t trade being me for anything! That is huge for me, for anyone really I do believe but, while I’ve faked the funk and walked the walk and talked a big game, I was phony and I didn’t like me or believe in myself in the least. Would you have known this meeting me or even being one of my closest people in life? Not likely. Most didn’t. Until my current Mister – who has seen right through and helped me leave behind the bullshit and mask I hid behind since day numero uno – I had had most everyone fooled (save for my ex-husband and when he’s not in his holier than thou persona my father as well) and had begun to get lost myself in who I really am versus what I’d created to appease the world. The line was so blurred it was nearly nonexistent.

Ι’d ᄃᄋϺᄐ Țᄋ ҌᄐᄂΙᄐѵᄐ ȚᅢΔȚ ₩ᅢΔȚ ᄋȚᅢᄐЯଌ ҌᄐᄂΙᄐѵᄐd ᄋԲ Ϻᄐ ₩Δଌ Ϻᄐ.

From the time I was in middle school until a few years back now I cared dependently what people thought of and said about me. My life revolved around my distorted view of the opinion other people may or may not have had of me. On the thankfully very rare occasion I look backwards and examine the unchangeable choices that led me to today I am bummed for past me and embarrassed at how much time I wasted second guessing myself and being unhappy based on imaginary disdain from people who didn’t matter then and definitely don’t matter now (in my life, of course as people they matter I truly believe everyone does just not in regards to my world). and in all reality probably weren’t thinking about me at all let alone whatever I led myself to believe. But hey – I am here now right where I apparently need to be in life and I learned valuable lessons from making these mistakes along the way so I am grateful for my ignorance and worst experiences. Without those things I may not be me as I am today, I may still be struggling with worry over impressing people on facebook or losing sleep at night wondering what if I had said or done this instead of that and dreading my days…

α δεℓιςατε βαℓαηςε

I learned the hard way that while I am not going to lose sleep over the opinion of others I can’t completely forget that they exist and people are unpredictable and can wreak havoc when you least expect it so I stay aware and use caution when handling the egos and feelings of people who could potentially or have affected mine and my girls’ lives negatively. I keep them out of sight as much as possible but never fully out of mind without letting them invade my life, my thoughts, my energy. A very delicate balance. I have the great program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the teachings of letting go of anger and resentments to thank for a lot of that sanity of which I am truly grateful. I believe this genius that has saved me a lot of heartache and wasted energy is attributed to Buddha: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The simple logic behind this exponentially powerful idea is life altering when embraced and while I’ve never been an angry person I have been a grudge-holder in my self-righteous indignation and held onto blaming others (when deserved but alas does not matter) and resentments with a fear that relinquishing these feelings was allowing them to win or proving them right in some way. However just the opposite happened when I finally embraced forgiveness and acceptance and let go of being hurt and right and justified I freed myself of their control and stopped allowing their negativity to affect me. I won. I got my life back, I took my life back. I took my power back, I stopped giving them power over me. I used to poo-poo this quote because I was the victim and unbeknownst to me for the longest time (until I hit my 30s) I held onto my victimhood for dear life in fear of accepting and taking responsibility for my life and what that would mean in facing myself and having to actually DO something about my self loathing. Being the victim was my security blanket because then it was never my fault and I could tell anyone willing to listen exactly how I was stuck because of everything else everyone else and I was not to blame. The quote I speak of is from Eleanor Roosevelt and while I still have my moments of weakness I grow stronger in accepting and living this truth every day: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Ӏե ís ղօե ҽɑsყ . .

Photo credit Tembela Bohle

. .ҍմե íե ís síʍթƖҽ

It takes work to change from a negative to a positive mindset.
It takes a desire and then applying new habits to your everyday.
It doesn’t just happen. No one else can do it for you. Shortcuts don’t work or last.
I end up falling back into old patterns from time to time but each time I do it gets easier to get back on track.
I choose everyday to be happy. If I am unhappy I realize that is a choice I am making which I find bananas to choose to be unhappy nowadays so I don’t.
It takes a conscious effort to choose happiness, to let go of victimhood, to take responsibility for myself and my happiness and not play the blame game and give away my power and my choice.
I give forgiveness immediately for myself and my sanity even if the person I am forgiving never knows it isn’t for them it is for me.
Each day I try to begin with a clean slate for everyone in my life. I don’t allow yesterdays to affect today and it starts the night before. Before going to sleep I let go of all ill will or negative thoughts or feelings I may have had throughout the day.
Negativity is such a minimal aspect in my life these days because I worked my butt off to change my thinking and after a lot of trial and error and ups and downs and so many failures and missteps it has become second nature to shut down negative thoughts and feelings and embrace only worthwhile positive thinking and actions that reflect what I want not what I don’t want.
Baby steps. Cliche because it works.
Put yourself first and life takes on a whole new view.
Start today – when you have a negative thought consciously stop that thought and reframe it into a positive. Call yourself out to yourself and be accountable to you! Change takes time and repetition creates habits.
Of course there is more to it and again it isn’t easy but sincerely it is simple.
So put foot to ass and start living life choosing to be happy!!
You matter and only you can decide to show you that that is so.

ᙅᖾoo⳽ᥱ ᖾᥲρρɩᥒᥱ⳽⳽.

Ƙιη∂ηєѕѕ ιѕ ƒяєє,
gινє ιт ƒяєєℓу.

AʇɈǝɿɈʜoυϱʜɈƨ

\(‾▿‾\) People are ultimately self-absorbed (myself included) so while you are stressing over what they’re thinking about you or what you said or did more often than not they’re not they are thinking about themselves.
\(‾▿‾\) How someone treats you is not a reflection on you but rather how they feel about themselves so don’t take offense or let it get under your skin. Try taking the high road when someone is rude to you be understanding that you don’t know what they have going on in their life and compassionate and forgive them and be kind anyway.
\(‾▿‾\) We are all struggling with our own shit, put yourself in the other persons shoes before passing judgment or getting upset and realize that we have no idea what could be affecting another person to make them act the way they do. Compassion – it is contagious give it a try and let the positive energy start with you. You can change a person’s life without ever knowing it by showing kindness in the smallest way. Think the butterfly effect.
\(‾▿‾\) No matter if you’re right or wrong if you feel a certain way that is your choice and right but so is it every other person’s right to feel however they feel. It is okay for us not to agree and we can learn from looking through another person’s eyes at any-and-everything in life if we are willing. Live and let live, treat others as you would like to be treated, show rather than tell and be humble.
\(‾▿‾\) Failure is a choice. You can’t fail if you keep trying. Without mistakes how would we learn and grow? Fall down seven times, get up eight and you are succeeding and getting better as you go.

the thought life

This book was my saving grace and changed my life and my way of thinking so drastically and I am better for it. So I’m sharing it with you so that, while it might not be as instantaneously impacting as it was for me, you can see the way I have changed my thinking so that I am happy no matter what is going on in my life or where I’m at. It is a choice – and a pain in the butt sometimes to choose to do – to choose happiness and reframe my thinking and it took a few weeks of continuous conscious effort to stop the negative thoughts that seemed to come so naturally and having to be honest with myself wasn’t a walk in the park either. But it is worth it on the other side. I’ve always poo-pooed self help books as schemes to make a buck off of our insecurities and maybe some are but most all of them have a positive message and ideas that can help or inspire us in one way or another so let them have their buck for writing down what we should already know and be doing, it is mutually beneficial. The book that follows is not making a cent off you or me or anyone for that matter, it is not copyrighted and available free to the public (you can find it for purchase too in audio and print but its a public-domain book so you can find it for free *see links after book*). It is pretty simple and repetitive but the ideas within can open up a whole new world for you if you want them to. I’ll also add the audio version somewhere in here because that is how I first “read” it, with my ears and pen to paper scribbling notes like a madwoman, and all in one sitting (and then again, and later again still and somewhere in there I’ve read it a couple times over) and wham bam thank you ma’am I’m still right where I was but I enjoy and am happy. My stoic best friend doesn’t agree with thinking your way out of poverty and she’s right that sounds unthinkable! Yeah that was sooo cornily on purpose, sue me (can’t squeeze a turnip!!). Okay I’m done. Anyway she is the smartest lady I’ve ever known, and I’ve known some really smart people so she is impressive, but she’s wrong on this one (loves you my errant muse!!) and I’m gonna prove it – just give me a couple years! Really though she is correct that you can’t JUST think positively and get anywhere but that is where this system of thinking and ACTION works. It is about thinking positively and accepting things as they are and improving upon them by turning those positive thoughts into actions that bring about better outcomes. You catch more flies with honey (shit may attract more but honey keeps em stuck) than vinegar, right?

Okay let me stop rambling and without further adieu As a Man Thinketh written by the genius philosophical mind of James Allen. (I made it pretty!)

Ŧ๏гєฬคг๔
Cԋαρƚҽɾ 1: Tԋσυɠԋƚ αɳԃ Cԋαɾαƈƚҽɾ
𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 2 : 𝒆𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒄𝒊𝒓𝒄𝒖𝒎𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔
Cԋαρƚҽɾ 3 : ҽϝϝҽƈƚ σϝ ƚԋσυɠԋƚ σɳ ԋҽαʅƚԋ αɳԃ ƚԋҽ Ⴆσԃყ
𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 4 : 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒖𝒓𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆
Cԋαρƚҽɾ 5 : ƚԋҽ ƚԋσυɠԋƚ-ϝαƈƚσɾ ιɳ αƈԋιҽʋҽɱҽɳƚ
𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 6 : 𝓥𝓲𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓼
Cԋαρƚҽɾ 7 : Sҽɾҽɳιƚყ
(っ◔◡◔)っ ↫↫↫↫↫𝙵𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 by 𝙹𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝙰𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚗 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝙻𝚒𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚅𝚘𝚡’𝚜 𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚙𝚞𝚋𝚕𝚒𝚌-𝚍𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚛𝚢.. ↬↬↬↬↬

The James Allen Free Library

The James Allen Free Library aspires to make all the works of inspirational writer James Allen (1864-1912) available online, to anyone, for free, in both English and Dutch.

Pocket Mindfulness | rebLog

A few weeks ago this website seemed to just materialize on my screen after my computer finally relinquished control of itself back to me. I don’t know what caused the glitch in my system but it had me at my wits end and then this simple set of words settled my frazzled synapses into a peaceful calm.

I didn’t read any of the blog that night. I saved the website to my desktop and chuckled at my madness and called it a night. That was the first bread crumb leading me back to a positive, healthy mindset when I was adrift for a bit. The concept of keeping small reminders on hand (in my pocket) to remain aware of and in the present and keeping myself grounded. This idea goes hand in hand with reshaping negative and pointless thoughts purposefully to the positive in keeping a healthy uplifting outlook.

I revisited the website frequently but didn’t read any of it still, I was fearful that the mesmerizing effect would not be lived up to possibly and I wasn’t ready to chance losing the magic. About a week ago I decided to give some reading a go and was not disappointed, it is an extensive and enriching guided guide for mindfulness that I keep going back to. Mysterious ways and all I’m paying it forward and sharing it with you.

Pocket Mindfulness | Start Here

I just read A Guide to Self Concept which ties in to where our healthy mindset has to begin and end – self love and honest self acceptance. Keeping my focus on positivity and self awareness is also how I’m taking my thoughts away from the obsession of my addiction. Diving into recovery with the program was having the opposite effect so I’m forging a different path at least to start out. I’m healing my mind and taking control of my outcome so that I can succeed in my recovery.

think yourself confident

Sometimes you’ve got to fake yourself out.

I’m fortunate enough to know that I’m rad, now.

And these are the kinds of things I tell myself so that I do.


ӚffӚlȺnt

Happiness is a Choice.

My life sucks. I’m still happily me.


I’m a hot mess, my life is upside-down due to things out of my control, but I am happy and back on track in keeping my thinking positive and productive! Learning to love myself and taking back responsibility and control over my thoughts, feelings, and actions has brought about so much personal and spiritual growth for me. For the longest time I was happy in my situation in life but not happy with myself. I had so many insecurities and always felt I needed someone to validate my worth. I swore, even to myself, I was happy with myself and I did like myself enough but I didn’t love myself and I was so hard on myself constantly. It was overwhelming and a lot of what led to getting started in addiction for me. *Put a pin in that for a later date when I have more time.* Flip the script and, I’d give anything, even my happiness (I know I still haven’t totally learned) to have my girls with me, but I am a much happier person and am able to really enjoy life now. So, when things get back to how they should be it’ll be that much better. Which, makes me excited for the work in my recovery to get there. I feel good and I think I’m going to choose to keep thinking this way!