I can’t stop! Do I want to stop? I do, I definitely do, I hate driving myself craZy! Do I get bored of the lack of drama? Am I causing it? No. It’s definitely not my fault. But I am perpetuating the state of affairs (ugh yes affairs..)
I have no solid proof. I get confused as to what I would need to have? Do I need a recording of them in the throws of passion (bleh makes me sick to think) or is my knowing that for the umpteenth time he is acting like he is cheating (admittedly as well) and him acknowledging my proof of inappropriate communication with another female (though since been disappeared from existence) enough? Nope. I’m just belittled and ridiculed that I am craZy and making something out of nothing like always. Okay I’ve been here I’m used to it. This time though I’m remembering…
By Anonymous Those who reside in The house of the Wise Know The story resides In the Hows and the Whys Not in the Who What Where Whens (There’s no story therein) Just a whirlwind of facts. That is: air
Dumbledore is a British dialect word, a compound of dumble, which is onomatopoeic, occurring variously as bumble-, dumble-, humble-, and the noun dor (also dorr) “an insect that makes a buzzing noise as it flies.” For her Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling selected Dumbledore as the surname of the headmaster of Hogwarts because dumbledore is a dialect word for “bumblebee,” Albus Dumbledore loved music, and she imagined him walking around “humming to himself.” Dumbledore is recorded in English by the late 1700s.
How is dumbledore used?
The dumbledore proper is Emerson’s “burly dozing humblebee,” in American prose always a bumblebee.CHARLES P. G. SCOTT, “ENGLISH WORDS WHICH HAV GAIND OR LOST AN INITIAL CONSONANT BY ATTRACTION,” TRANSACTIONS OF THE AMERICAN PHILOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION, VOL. 23, 1892
Any Humble-bee, no matter what species, is known as a Bumble-bee, a Foggie, a Dumbledore, or a Hummel-bee, according to the peculiar dialect of the locality ….JOHN GEORGE WOOD, HOMES WITHOUT HANDS, 1866
A few weeks ago this website seemed to just materialize on my screen after my computer finally relinquished control of itself back to me. I don’t know what caused the glitch in my system but it had me at my wits end and then this simple set of words settled my frazzled synapses into a peaceful calm.
I didn’t read any of the blog that night. I saved the website to my desktop and chuckled at my madness and called it a night. That was the first bread crumb leading me back to a positive, healthy mindset when I was adrift for a bit. The concept of keeping small reminders on hand (in my pocket) to remain aware of and in the present and keeping myself grounded. This idea goes hand in hand with reshaping negative and pointless thoughts purposefully to the positive in keeping a healthy uplifting outlook.
I revisited the website frequently but didn’t read any of it still, I was fearful that the mesmerizing effect would not be lived up to possibly and I wasn’t ready to chance losing the magic. About a week ago I decided to give some reading a go and was not disappointed, it is an extensive and enriching guided guide for mindfulness that I keep going back to. Mysterious ways and all I’m paying it forward and sharing it with you.
I just read A Guide to Self Concept which ties in to where our healthy mindset has to begin and end – self love and honest self acceptance. Keeping my focus on positivity and self awareness is also how I’m taking my thoughts away from the obsession of my addiction. Diving into recovery with the program was having the opposite effect so I’m forging a different path at least to start out. I’m healing my mind and taking control of my outcome so that I can succeed in my recovery.
And these are the kinds of things I tell myself so that I do.
My life sucks. I’m still happily me.
I’m a hot mess, my life is upside-down due to things out of my control, but I am happy and back on track in keeping my thinking positive and productive! Learning to love myself and taking back responsibility and control over my thoughts, feelings, and actions has brought about so much personal and spiritual growth for me. For the longest time I was happy in my situation in life but not happy with myself. I had so many insecurities and always felt I needed someone to validate my worth. I swore, even to myself, I was happy with myself and I did like myself enough but I didn’t love myself and I was so hard on myself constantly. It was overwhelming and a lot of what led to getting started in addiction for me. *Put a pin in that for a later date when I have more time.* Flip the script and, I’d give anything, even my happiness (I know I still haven’t totally learned) to have my girls with me, but I am a much happier person and am able to really enjoy life now. So, when things get back to how they should be it’ll be that much better. Which, makes me excited for the work in my recovery to get there. I feel good and I think I’m going to choose to keep thinking this way!